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  • Writer's pictureJai

Speak on it

Updated: May 28, 2020

Why do we women allow our voices to be muted by others? It’s one thing If we find ourselves about to say something hurtful, negative, and or offensive and we stop ourselves. It’s a totally different situation when we silence ourselves based on how others will perceive us. I am known for that! When it comes to everyone else’s situation I have the best advice on earth! But for some strange reason I can’t seem to advise myself how to get out of certain situations that isn’t helping me grow. I have so many thoughts and feelings about what I want and deserve, that I want to get out but when the moment comes I bail on myself because I’m so busy trying not to be viewed as a person who looks for or initiates conflict.

How many times are we often mistreated whether it be emotionally financially mentally and we are boiling on the inside but we play it cool on the outside?

This specific topic gave me a real hard time to put together. It’s hard when you have to put the mirror up to yourself and call YOU out. I have to continuously say to myself, when you don’t speak up you allow others to mistreat you. Then in turn can’t blame them because this is what we’ve allowed for so long!

That’s it right there. As women we are often still looked at as the weaker sex. The more emotional species. And we at times don’t want to step on any toes or sound like we aren’t thinking logically so we just shut up and smile. So we allow people to finish our thoughts for us. We let others decide how we are going to handle a situation or the best one, how we define ourselves.

During an old relationship of mine, my ex hated when I didn’t agree or when I had my own opinion on something. He hated it so much that he would say things like “we’re supposed to be riding together yet you’re going against me” or “damn babe you have no common sense.” If I didn’t agree to do things when he wanted, how he wanted at the pace he wanted then that would cause him to feel like I wasn’t respecting him as a man. He then would disappear for days at a time then come back and make me feel like an idiot for looking at the situation differently then he did.

I really wanted our relationship to work, so guess what I started doing? Yup! You got it! I resorted to “whatever you think is best babe” or the “yeah you’re right babe, I didn’t see it like that until you said something.” As I think about it now, I never agreed with his way of seeing things but because I wanted to keep the peace and have my “man” around daily I started to mute myself. This is one of the worst mistakes we can make ladies.

After I’ve had enough and started to voice my opinion it was hell trying to get on one accord again. Everything was an argument or me being scolded that I’m not supporting my man.

I totally understand coming to a compromise and seeing both points but that’s different than me totally abandoning my thoughts and feelings just to please someone else.

What I’ve learned in these past 3 years is God created us women for a reason. He wants us to be strong, independent, confident women. He created us to feel, be passionate, raw, honest, vulnerable, calculating and opinionated.

We have to be okay with shaking things up. We have to be confident in our thoughts feelings and opinions. We have to be okay with ruffling a few feathers. We have to be honest and transparent with not only ourselves but those closest to us.

We have to find the beauty in speaking and being heard. We have to find comfort in knowing we stand on our own two feet. We have to know our voices are powerful.

So from here on out ladies, the only thing we need to mute are the voices that don’t align with our needs.

They may have stirred some not so good feelings in you, but never allow anyone to shake up your world where it’s no longer recognizable. You are the master of your situation, your day to day life!

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